An advice to parents who have girl children

Shakeela Sainu Kalarikkal/ Punalur

I would like to say something about this but how your girl children should grow up is only your choice and only yours. I am not inclined to comment on that.

Our ‘Rights’ need not be correct for you and your ‘Rights’ may not be correct for us and you do whatever you feel is right for you.

Whatever I am jotting down here is exactly what our family had gone through and our experience and everything I write here is totally true or rather I am expressing only truth here.

I am writing this only to provide a small inspiration to those who read this and also a minor happiness on reading this. It’s like sharing a photograph of a neatly kept house which can be turned into an inspiration to someone who sees that. As said earlier, I am not a person qualified to tell some on to follow in my footsteps or what I have done. If someone asks whether I am a successful mother, I don’t know. If I ask my children, they say that I am a successful mother, perhaps it’s due to the love they have for me.

Bringing up girls is a difficult task, not for us but for those who are watching from outside and we have brought up our girl children hearing several such advice and suggestions as if we don’t have our own viewpoint or vision in how to bring them up. Interesting right?

We were five sisters and one brother and we were brought up by our parents provided us with basic minimum studies on religion. We were brought up in an atmosphere wherein we were given ample independence and we never misused that independence and freedom given by our parents. My father was a respected teacher while my mother was a postmistress. Gladly they gave us the required freedom and as said in the previous sentence, we never misused it. There was never a discussion in our home that they had to bring us five girls.. never.

Our parents gave us proper support in inculcating our reading habits, attending cultural programmes, and also to participating in elocution contests and we are now leading a good life, thanks to the almighty.

We also brought our girl children with all the freedom and self-respect and both of them have now become adults. We feel that first and foremost we must give the children a basic sense of values in life. The basis of all religions is trust, love, and compassion. Religious animosity should not be injected in children but they should be given proper religious education so that they have a strong knowledge of their religious belief. A true believer will have compassion and love towards people from all caste and creed and there wont be any intolerance. This is my opinion, only my opinion rt…

We gave our children basic mental strength, taught them swimming and enrolled them in National Cadet Corps(NCC). The training given by NCC will help them overcome any obstacles in life. This gave them several opportunities and rare moments in life. I was struck when my elder daughter Ameena Sainu got selection for Republic Day parade in New Delhi as there was no one to accompany her as my husband was in the Gulf of Middle East those days. As part of the Republic Day parade in New Delhi, there are around ten training camps. I tried to somehow get out of this and even did not pick the phone after seeing the calls are from school of Ameena asking her to attend the parade. However the love and compassion of our own Jagadamma teacher changed things. She came to our house and promised all help and I convey my gratitude and love to dear Jagadamma teacher for the support and courage she provided to me and my daughter. She accompanied us wherever we went and even now she is a visitor to our home. This is love.. true love. A lot of other teachers were also much helpful, this includes Elizabeth Chacko teacher, Vijayalekshmi teacher,Suja teacher, and several other teachers. The one who had given encouragement to enroll my daughter in NCC was my younger sister Summaya, who was an NCC ‘C’ certificate holder.

Our younger daughter Aneena Sainu won the National level shooting in Delhi Cantt in the years 2009 and 2011 and made us proud. Both Ameena and Aneena are sharpshooters. The theory that girls are good for nothing has to be removed from our mentality and Muslim girls should be brought out without exposing them to the outside world is also to be put out in the dustbin.

I have learned that even during the period of Prophet Mohammed, peace be upon him.. there were instances of women doing business by traveling on camelback. Women, those days had actively participated in wars during those days.

I used to think that if we had not given them opportunities to participate and had kept them aside they would have lost several opportunities .This include the prestigious Republic Day parade, the dinner by the great President of our Country, APJ Abdul Kalam ,Prime Minister’s rally, opportunity to see New Delhi as a governmetn guest, the dinner by Army General. These were all major opportunities my children would have lost had we not allowed them to participate in these.

Please noted that cooking food at home and going for a job is not a big deal for a girl. My girls are asking me as to how many girls around will be able to lift a Point 22 rifle(don’t know whether this is the right way to describe this) weighing 3 kg and fire at the target without losing sight of it. I don’t have the answer to this.

The first job choice for both girls was to join the armed forces. Both Ameena and Aneena are NCC ‘C’ certificate holders. However, due to selfish motives, we did not have interest to send them to that job.

Our elder daughter Ameena Sainu Kalarickal is working for the past five years as a journalist, her second choice of job after uniformed forces. She is now working as Broadcast Journalist for Asianet News. However we were unable to satisfy the second wish of our second daughter Aneena Sainu Kalarickal. As her elder sister , she also wanted to join the forces and we didn’t allow her to join but even her second choice of joining a dance school like the one of Shobana could not be done. She is also now happy after completing an Engineering degree from the prestigious MA College of Engineering, Kothamangalam she is into our own small business venture on High Security Registration Plates.

My children garnered leadership quality, the courage to overcome any obstacles in life , the self confidence to face any thing and also take proper decisions in crucial moments were all gained by them through the freedom we had given them.

Both the girls are good drivers and riders and girls should be taught driving definitely. Now You decide whether girls should be kept under the wings or should be shown the world, the confidence to face the world. We are sure and certain that they will live even when we are not there. It’s your choice as to how you are bringing up your children.